“I want to be speshul!”

The title of this post was misspelled intentionally. It references a word that I use with friends of mine to indicate a type of need in certain individuals. It’s more than just the regular use of “special.” It’s almost infantile in it’s NEED to be the absolute center of attention and desire. Thus, the origin of my use of “speshul.”

I believe that I once thought I was speshul. In the early days of my Pro Domme career, I was naive beyond the pale. There wasn’t social media or even a vast band of veterans to counsel me on my silly thoughts. Only one other Mistress at the location where I worked knew how green I was. I never asked her for outright advice, but she gave it to me when she thought I needed it (thank goddess!). Despite her occasional words of wisdom, I had ideas in my head of how things were going to proceed in my career. When I saw a client for a few great sessions, it NEVER occurred to me that he would see another Pro. I mean, why? We had SUCH great sessions together, why look anywhere else? HA! I told you I was naive!! I chuckle at this sense of being speshul and unique. Of course I was totally hurt and devastated when I learned that, gasp, men have very little capacity for commitment. Yes, I’m making a blanket generalization here. There are few exceptions to the rule…but I digress.

Once I got over myself and figured that every client was just that: someone paying for a service who could see literally anyone under the sun, I was able to move forward with a clear head. Over the years, proclamations of undying fealty were made by those who “seemed” different, but you can guess that they were all mostly liars. Now I understand that they not only wanted ME to feel speshul, THEY wanted to feel speshul…

It’s a lovely idea to want to believe that the Pro Domme you are seeing puts you into a different category. That she wants to “own” you and make you “hers.” That is the epitome of being speshul. You want to be a possession. You want to be talked about and apart from the rest of the rabble you perceive that she doesn’t care about. You want to have a collar, you want to be marked, YOU WANT…Yes, it’s all about what YOU WANT.

I have two slave commandments, and a recently added third:

  1. How can I make my Mistress happy?
  2. How can I be the best slave that I can be?

The newest one is:

I am not allowed to say, “I want.”

The minute I hear this word, I need to re-educate the supplicant in front of me to change his verbiage. For those wanting to be speshul, you need to consider your use of it as well.

WHY should the Pro Domme seeing you make YOU feel speshul? I realize that you think that have done all of these things, and spent all of this money, etc. but, to quote my favorite WWE wrestler:

“IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER!

Now I’m sure that there are those reading this who will cite instances of “Mistress So-and-So’s” collared slave and HE is exclusive to her and HE is speshul. Yes, dear reader, these guys exist–but they are in the minority. I also don’t really count service under five years as being a true sign of devotion. Does anyone here remember the venerable slave james? The man who appeared in many of my videos? The one who everyone thought worshiped the ground I walked on? He made many proclamations. He wanted to be speshul. Annnndddd he didn’t last beyond five years.  It’s simply too easy to SAY a bunch of fluff, but it’s not easy for a man to really buckle down and Do The Right Thing for more than five years.

This is why, if you have been seeing a Pro Domme for less than a year, and you are already discussing how you WANT TO BE HERS, it’s just you wanting to be speshul. Think of her reaction as when a child comes to a parent and says, “I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.” The parent smiles, pats the child on the head, and simply says, “Of course you do dear.” The parent understands the realities and politics of becoming a fully-fledged member of an elite group of scientists. The parent understands that even though the child can end up getting a Ph.D in astorphysics and work at U.C. Berkeley in post-doctoral research, that he/she STILL might never become an astronaut (I briefly dated someone like this). Do they encourage the child? Yes, but they know that ultimately the goal will most-likely not be reached.

So your desire to be speshul is frankly looked upon as a naive understanding of the professional relationship that exists between you and the person you are paying for her time. No, Virginia, there isn’t a Santa Claus. The professional transaction is supposed to keep things honest. It doesn’t mean that we like or honestly care about you. We, as Pro Dommes, can be INTERESTED in you and your sessions while they are happening.

I’m sure there are those reading this who feel that is a pretty harsh statement. It’s not. It’s factual. YOU HAVE TO DO THE TIME FOR ME (or any of my co-horts) TO CARE. Whom do I care about?

mucous: in service since 1999

slave joe: in service since 2000

bill: in service off and on since 2001

This is my short list of locals and is not complete whatsoever so don’t get hurt if your name wasn’t mentioned.

I know there are Pro Dommes out there who are very good actresses. They talk a good game. They toss out collars like they are available from a vending machine. They know that their clients want to feel speshul and they play up on that. Good for them! I have a very small capacity for being untrue to myself.

In closing: I can make you feel unique and paid attention to during our time together. If we mesh via our interests, we will have a good time. You will only be “just another client/sub/insert your category here” though. That status can not change until time–and lots of it has passed. Not just time, but blood, sweat, and tears. Even then, I will be dubious about your expression of commitment. Once you understand this, then we can move forward.

The Ever-Snarky,

VQ

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Spring Travel Redux: Detroit and DC

This blog post is dedicated in no small part to Mistress Mara Mayhem. I have learned much from various “Legends of Professional Domination” but I also keep my mind open for advice from those who are not on everyone’s radar. Mistress Mara is a breath of fresh air when it comes to new acquaintances made. Some women I regret ever having met. Not she! One of the aspects of our friendship I am most grateful for is her advice on touring In The World As We Know it.

Back in the “good ole days,” one could announce a trip on a Femdom Forum and your website. The polite inquiries would happen almost immediately and sessions would be booked well in advance of departure. Sadly, those days are basically over. The only men who seem to be able to abide by any type of planning are those in the AARP set. There is nothing wrong with that, but it’s a comment on the state on “younger clientele.” They simply can’t or won’t plan. Thus, what to do? In my case, I listened to someone who has a different perspective on touring.

Mistress Mara has been invaluable not only for destination advice, but also how to wade through the mire of new and often-times last minute applicants. I have to admit I was a wee bit skeptical when she recommended Detroit as a destination. I will admit that it’s quite easy to pay attention to the fear-mongering that the media spews out regarding certain cities in the US: Oakland, Chicago, formerly NYC, etc. Well, I have worked in all of those destinations and never felt unsafe, so Detroit must not be all that bad either, right? Right! Detroit completely exceeded my expectations as a Femdom Destination.

Suffice it to say, both Mistress Mara and I were appreciated in the Motor City. I enjoy traveling with her as we are complimentary to each other. She is a red head and I am a brunette. Hair color matters immensely in this line of work. If you don’t believe me, then just ask “the only blonde Mistress” in any given city how well she is doing and you will have your answer. Mistress Mara and I also share, shall we say, some rather unique interests that shall remain unpublicized. This makes the hours in between torturing slaves fascinating and entertaining. No, get your mind out of the gutter. We weren’t having “hot lesbian pillow fights” in the hotel room. We are far more cerebral than that ,my dear reader.

One of my longest-serving clients also made the trip outstanding. We have been meeting each other all over the country since 2000. Detroit was our latest adventure. He was full of advice of where to dine and what to do. We had amazing seats at Comerica Park

Comerica Park

Great seats for the game!

 for a Tiger’s game and then shared a meal at a world-class steakhouse.

The trip went so well, that I plan on returning with Mistress Mara Mayhem in November. Yes, I plan travel out that far. The dates are set and I will be spending time in not only downtown Detroit, but the suburb of Troy for a few days. The Troy portion of the trip already has interest so I wouldn’t delay on introducing yourself.

I wasn’t home for long before I had to pack my bags again for another trip. This time it was to our nation’s capital: Washington, D.C. Again, I heeded the advice of Mistress Mara Mayhem for this journey as well. I was able to maintain an open mind profit from the result.

Traditionally Washington, D.C. has been a trip of double sessions with Mistress Tyler. Despite my love of working with her, the timing doesn’t always work out for those who want to see us together. Some brave souls WERE able to book us and I had an amazing time tormenting them. There are only a handful of Pro Dommes around the world that I share a professional chemistry with. Mistress Tyler is one of these women (Mistress Mara is the latest addition to these ranks). It’s never a competition when we have a slave to share. It’s truly a complimentary situation that only benefits the male creature under our finger tips. We were able to demonstrate this experience to “lita.”

I’m writing specifically about this session as it filled a void that had been in my BDSM brain since the Sunday before my trip was due to depart. My beloved transformation client (talk about the last of a dying breed), had to cancel our session together. We are only able to meet twice a year or so at this point. This cancelation simply couldn’t be helped, but I was saddened that I was going to miss out on the opportunity to watch his “inner slut” blossom and manifest in front of me. It’s not like there was going to be another transformation on my plate right around the corner…or was there?

lita

lita transformed

I credit Mistress Tyler for coming up with the idea of what to do with lita. To be honest, I was shocked and amazed at the result of applying cosmetics to her eyes and lingerie to her form. The transformation I had been missing, happened before my eyes! In honor of discretion of all parties involved, I’m including a small snippet of the result. I hope to meet lita again on a future trip. She certainly exceeded my expectations!

Sadly, there were MANY eager supplicants who missed out on my DC trip. They either contacted me too early or too late. I will be returning in March 2018 with Mistress Mara. We plan on staying in a hotel suite that will accommodate our kinky tastes and allow us to welcome those who have missed out in the past.

What’s in store for VQ now? I am home for the duration of the summer. If you are local to the SF Bay Area and interested in seeing me, I recommend you contact me asap. The next 90s are going to pass quickly and my regulars have missed me.  For those interested in future destinations, I will be in Chicago in September, London for the Femdom Ball in October, New York after London, Detroit in November, and then Antwerp in December.

In the meantime, I will be in my garden…

VQ's Poppy

Beauty in the garden.

The End Of An Era: Mistress Shane Returns To NYC

My upcoming visit to Antwerp in April will be tinged with sadness. I have known of “the news” since December 2016, but I kept my word to not discuss it until now. It was then that Mistress Shane informed me that she would be moving from Antwerp back to New York City. Her time in Europe was coming to an end.

I know that many of my readers don’t know of how I first came to travel to Antwerp in the first place. Why there? Why not any other city in Europe? How did my bi-annual trip come about? It seems like now is an appropriate time to share the story.

The year is 2007. I was attempting to promote my DVD business by attending various shows that featured a BDSM theme. Domcon LA and Fetishcon in Florida were two of my destinations. I had heard of the market in Europe but had no idea how to break into it with my Femdom content. I came up with an idea to bring my DVDs to the Venus Fair and entice distributors in person. I purchased my airfare, made my hotel reservation, and crafted my plans to visit Germany to ply my wares.

Unfortunately, this business that I’m in doesn’t breed the best of alliances. People who claim to be friends (for years) often turn on you when their selfish desires get the best of them. That’s what happened with my plans to attend Venus Fair. I’m giving the Reader’s Digest version of the events that transpired. I’ve told the cautionary tale of whom to trust to those who know me personally. Needless to say, I had to cancel my trip after it became apparent that my so-called friend wouldn’t be an ally during the Fair. It just didn’t seem wise to make the journey if the ONE person I was going to know was turning his back on me. I canceled my airfare and hotel reservation, but that wasn’t the end of the story. I had six months to use my ticket credit. Now what? Who did I know in Europe?

I’m usually a fairly risk-adverse person. It’s just my nature. I over-research EVERYTHING and generally don’t do crazy things in my life. I have no idea what got into me, but I decided to take a big chance. I knew of ONE PERSON in Europe. How about  I visit an almost total stranger in a strange country to work? I would travel alone. I wouldn’t know anyone locally. What could possibly go wrong? This was even riskier considering what had recently happened with my so-called friend of many years. What if my host turned out to be a “great friend” like he was and stab me in the back? How did I even know her?

I had met Mistress Shane back in 2006 at the Black and Blue Ball in NYC. I remember her being SUPER nice. She wasn’t the usual bitchy standoffish woman who I have encountered many times at BDSM events. To this day, there are countless Pro Dommes who simply stand and stare at everyone passing by them. They couldn’t be bothered with a simple, “hello”. Not Mistress Shane. She not only exchanged pleasantries, but she invited me to come stay with her and work in Antwerp. It was this brief meeting that I decided to base my trip on. Sure enough, when I emailed her about visiting, she welcomed the prospect and made the experience as seamless as possible.

Nine years later and I have more regulars in Antwerp than I do in the SF Bay Area. Mistress Shane not only turned out to be a great host, but she also became a great friend. We have gone through a lot over almost a decade of visits. We have shared the stories of our lives and torments. We have bounced ideas off of each other. We have bitched and moaned, and laughed and cried. Thanks to Mistress Shane, I am comfortable traveling solo to Europe without batting an eye. I am not only a better Dominatrix thanks to her, but I am a better person.

I will admit that I was sad in a very selfish way when Mistress Shane told me of her impending move. All I could think of was, “Where will I work? Will I be able to return to Antwerp?” I wanted to be happy for her, but it was difficult. My friend was leaving! Ever the consummate professional, she had already researched my next host after she broke the news.  I felt bad for being so self-centered. She was clearly thinking of how to help me out. We used my last visit in December to plan out my next trip and discuss her future in NYC.

Thus, I will continue to travel to Antwerp twice a year. During my next visit, April 8 – 12, I will be hosted by Mistress Morticia. She has a wonderful studio just outside of Antwerp. I am looking forward to seeing my regulars and new clients. These regulars are almost all thanks to the generosity of Mistress Shane sharing her faithful devotees with me in double sessions over the years. I’m also looking forward to visiting Mistress Shane in my favorite city in the future: New York.

Thanks Mistress Shane for helping to create  the European Chapter of my Dominatrix Career. I couldn’t have done it without you!