“But Mistress, I don’t feel submissive…”

Recent experiences with a client has led me to this post. I have been veritably pent-up with feelings about this man, but in light of recent incidents–it is time to write.

Slave Frankenstein was the most recent client to suffer my ire. He has easily achieved the title of Most Clueless Man I Have Ever Met. From being too old and technologically phobic to obtain a cell phone, to his lack of understanding of what BDSM Power Exchange is all about–he really takes the cake. I decided to see him as a client since his interests were different from any one who had ever contacted me. He wanted to experience a D/S relationship within public interactions, as well as within my studio. His goal was that he wanted those who saw us to understand that I was his Mistress and he was my slave. This was to be achieved via our clothing and subtle indicators of him serving me. He also wanted to visit various public BDSM events while dressed in fetish clothing items he found to be integral to his experience.

I had a large amount of trepidation regarding his public interests as I never want to force my play onto those who have not consented to participate. After some careful negotiation, we agreed on some ways to make this situation happen with the least amount of public disruption. We would go out to dinner, to the movies and shopping all with his goal in mind. I would dress up in as much leather gear as I felt comfortable showing off to the outside world, and he would wear a collar and some other fetish clothing items under his street attire. For anyone who has ever been out with me public, they know that I don’t change my demeanor once I leave my studio. I am straight-forward, sometimes to a fault, and I conduct myself in a manner that is in a word–Dominant. I didn’t foresee there to be any issue with a positive outcome. How hard would it be to convince the public in a nice restaurant or elsewhere the a man almost 30 years my senior was serving me in some way? Hot woman + old man = something is going on and it ain’t romantic love.

Alas, despite my best efforts, Slave Frankenstein recently confessed that he has never felt submissive around me in public. I will spare the details of what else ensued after I received this response. Let’s just say that I will no longer be seeing this sad excuse of a man in my studio or elsewhere.

The reason I’m bringing this situation to light is that the word “submissive” is a loaded term that I believe is very misconstrued in my profession, as well as in the public perception of my clientele. I know that in discussions with vanilla people, my clients are thought to be simpering wimps who are spineless and pathetic. My own clients tend to couch the term either with a sense of exalted fervor or with disdain that they reserve for the unspeakable. I think that it is high time we move away from the words “submit/submissive” and find something else to use.

Let’s focus on Slave Frankenstein for instance: He said that he didn’t feel “submissive” to me while we were out in public. Really?  I was supposedly “too polite” to him while at dinner…Gee, excuse me for conducting myself in a manner becoming of a lady in a fine dining establishment. If he was expecting coarse, boorish behavior that made others point and stare–he was not going to get it. You also need to keep in mind that when dealing with the frail and elderly, I’m going to be a bit more mindful of their physical condition. I consider anyone who walks with a profound limp to be evidently frail…”Feeling submissive” to him seemed to be 100% tied to him showing off his fetish attire to the masses. I allowed him to wear his long gloves under his dinner jacket, but I was NOT about to let him remove his jacket during our dinner. It was embarrassing enough being seen with him, and to have him sit across from me in a short-sleeved shirt and long gloves was too much for my own sensibility. If you don’t feel “submissive” because you can’t show off a piece of clothing, then you are kidding yourself about what you want to explore.

My analysis of this situation is that Slave Frankenstein was ultimately a fetishist. He didn’t really WANT to treat me like I was superior to him–even in a fantasy frame of mind. He claimed to want a power exchange situation but I think he just wanted ATTENTION. His dialogue with me was profoundly unfair as he CLAIMED to want “to submit,” which was obviously a lie. If he truly wanted to do what I told him and LISTEN to what I said, he wouldn’t be in negative territory today. When I said, “No, you can not take your jacket off at dinner,” then that would have been the end of the discussion. It wasn’t grounds for argument.

You might THINK that you want “to serve” me or other Dominant Ladies, but very few are truly able to make their will be secondary to mine. That’s what it comes down to. You might be able to engage in a fantasy situation for an hour or two in my studio, but that’s the end of it for most of my clients. I get that. You come to me for a limited time experience and then we part company and go back to our lives as usual. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re into extreme pain, light cross-dressing, or fetish exploration. What counts is your level of honesty regarding the outcome you seek. The word “submission” needs to be removed from the Professional Domination dialogue in my opinion. Power exchange, will subversion or something else needs to come to the forefront for use. You don’t really like the word anyway, so why continue to use it? You enjoy the company of a beautiful woman in her fully equipped studio while she engages in limited SM activity. You want us BOTH to enjoy ourselves because we are sharing common interests. It doesn’t matter if you “feel submissive” or not. What matters is how you communicate with me in a broader context.

I am thankful that the majority of my clients are the polar opposite of Slave Frankenstein. I look forward to taking out my frustrations on you in the coming weeks!