I don’t often call potential clients out, but I’ve received one too many requests like this as of late, so it’s time for a little bit of education on the subject.
I understand that not every male is submissive. I also know that many fetishists find themselves in a difficult situation because they don’t want to submit, but what they seek is often offered by women who are classified as Dominant. The result is people like me receiving emails for sessions that are incredibly specific and demanding under the auspices of them being “a simple request.” I’m going to break it down for you boys so you can understand my position point by point. Below is the body of the email I received. Mind you, it was sent to a large number of other women as the “undisclosed recipients” marker showed up above my name. THAT is very classy (not) and is a good way to turn me off from the get go. I don’t like being part of your bulk call-out, but I digress:
“I put down simple in the subject because my requests are very simple and straight forward. The person who used to do this for me decided to quit the business and I’ve been out of luck. I am looking for a test session and would like to turn that into a regular thing if it works out.
I am fairly busy man running my business so I’ll get to the point. Here’s what I need:
1 – The session I require is a doormat fantasy session
2 – I like my face to be used as a doormat under large boots
3 – I need black shoe polish or something similar being applied on the soles of the boots so that every inch of my face is black after the session is over
4 – I like my mouth/lips to be wiped on heavily
5 – Finally, I would like a small amount of tooth paste to be put on my teeth and I need the soles of the boots to be used as tooth brush cleaning my teeth with the
If you are the right person for this, please write back to me and let me know that you understand all the points above and have no issues with any of that. If you have questions about these points, ask away.
Whatever your rate is, I’ll be able to pay.
Please let me know.”
1. So this guy’s provider (I’m using that word since I don’t know what her classification is as a sex worker, and yes we are ALL sex workers when it comes down to the nitty gritty) has retired and now he doesn’t have anyone to literally fill her shoes. What most likely happened is they started off with a different version of this session that revolved around boot trampling. He figured out he was really into face-centric boot play and things evolved to their current state. My advice: Don’t get this specific in your requests guys. You aren’t leaving any creativity on my part. This is what we call “SCRIPTING.” Your little male brain doesn’t see the problem with it. I do. I’m not your waitress. I’m not here to cater an order to you. We need to meet half way and this session sounds like it’s all about you and nothing about my happiness (that just sort of matters).
2. Don’t tell me how busy you are. I assume EVERYONE is busy in this day and age. Am I supposed to give you a gold star because of this? Do you think that I will respect you more because you run your own business? If anything I think you’re pathetic for needing to tell me about this fact. Your ego is leading the way and you want me to recognize your accomplishments. Yawn…Once again, once you walk through my door I could care less what you have DONE and it’s all about what you WILL DO FOR ME.
3. There is too much about YOUR NEED. Wrong. I am the one who says I NEED. I know. You’re not submissive so you forget about this and you just get into laundry list mode. Even so, strike that word from your session negotiation vocabulary. “I would like it if” is a much better phrase to enter into a discussion about your interests. Ultimately I will decide what you need. I am the trained professional here.
4. Once we get to the third point, all aspects of simplicity have left the building. What makes you think that I want black shoe polish ON THE BOTTOMS OF MY BOOTS? This sounds messy and a real pain to clean up post-session. The polish won’t stay on the bottoms of my boots, it will migrate elsewhere on the footwear, and I’ll have to make sure it doesn’t get on my flooring. There will need to be towels (which will be ruined after that crap gets on there), and more clean up than usual. Speaking of clean up, you will need to mess up my shower afterwards attempting to remove all of the polish on your face. Great. More work for me. More ruined towels…Also, this whole “every inch of my face is black” wording is a harbinger of trouble. I can see it now: woman attempts to accommodate this request, but a small patch is NOT covered. Guy sees this and flips out and accuses woman of not doing a good enough job. Leaves her a lousy review and stalks her by sending her nasty emails about how terrible she is. No thank you. I don’t need the potential for that kind of aggravation in my life.
5. The whole toothpaste situation. Once again, I don’t want toothpaste on the bottoms of my boots. This just sounds like more of a sticky mess and problematic clean up.
6. No, you’re not going to pay whatever my rate is. Ultimately you foot guys are cheap and whine incessantly about money. Almost twenty years in this business has taught me that. I don’t believe this statement you’ve made whatsoever.
So now you boys are saying to yourselves, “Thanks for tearing this guy’s request up. You’ve told us what NOT to do. Can you at least tell us what we SHOULD do? You betcha:
If your provider has retired and you grew into an incredibly specific scenario with her, keep in mind that you are NEVER going to be able to 100% recapture what you had together. That’s just the way life goes. If you try to do the same sessions with someone else, you will only see what the current Lady isn’t doing correctly instead of what she IS doing accurately. It becomes a nitpicking scenario that is devoid of joy because “you just want her to get it right.” Instead, when you contact someone new, frame your interests in broad terms. For the guy in this email: “I am into a doormat type fantasy. The provider I saw for x years has retired and I’m looking to establish a relationship with someone knew. I’d like to discuss my fantasy with you and see if we can meet on common ground based on our mutual interests.” Listing every single aspect that you’d like to happen is a recipe for dissatisfaction for both parties. It also means that many of the more experienced Ladies will file your email in the trash immediately.
If you have specific clothing/shoe requests that are super important to your fantasy, then offer to procure them for said Lady. You can inquire as to whether or not she possesses such items, but if not, it’s on you to make props happen.
In closing, keep your initial email requests simple. Understand that I require respect when being contacted. If you’re not submissive, then let me know. I can work with you, but only if I feel like you’re meeting me halfway.