Category: New Stuff

The title of this post was misspelled intentionally. It references a word that I use with friends of mine to indicate a type of need in certain individuals. It’s more than just the regular use of “special.” It’s almost infantile in it’s NEED to be the absolute center of attention and desire. Thus, the origin of my use of “speshul.”

I believe that I once thought I was speshul. In the early days of my Pro Domme career, I was naive beyond the pale. There wasn’t social media or even a vast band of veterans to counsel me on my silly thoughts. Only one other Mistress at the location where I worked knew how green I was. I never asked her for outright advice, but she gave it to me when she thought I needed it (thank goddess!). Despite her occasional words of wisdom, I had ideas in my head of how things were going to proceed in my career. When I saw a client for a few great sessions, it NEVER occurred to me that he would see another Pro. I mean, why? We had SUCH great sessions together, why look anywhere else? HA! I told you I was naive!! I chuckle at this sense of being speshul and unique. Of course I was totally hurt and devastated when I learned that, gasp, men have very little capacity for commitment. Yes, I’m making a blanket generalization here. There are few exceptions to the rule…but I digress.

Once I got over myself and figured that every client was just that: someone paying for a service who could see literally anyone under the sun, I was able to move forward with a clear head. Over the years, proclamations of undying fealty were made by those who “seemed” different, but you can guess that they were all mostly liars. Now I understand that they not only wanted ME to feel speshul, THEY wanted to feel speshul…

It’s a lovely idea to want to believe that the Pro Domme you are seeing puts you into a different category. That she wants to “own” you and make you “hers.” That is the epitome of being speshul. You want to be a possession. You want to be talked about and apart from the rest of the rabble you perceive that she doesn’t care about. You want to have a collar, you want to be marked, YOU WANT…Yes, it’s all about what YOU WANT.

I have two slave commandments, and a recently added third:

  1. How can I make my Mistress happy?
  2. How can I be the best slave that I can be?

The newest one is:

I am not allowed to say, “I want.”

The minute I hear this word, I need to re-educate the supplicant in front of me to change his verbiage. For those wanting to be speshul, you need to consider your use of it as well.

WHY should the Pro Domme seeing you make YOU feel speshul? I realize that you think that have done all of these things, and spent all of this money, etc. but, to quote my favorite WWE wrestler:


Now I’m sure that there are those reading this who will cite instances of “Mistress So-and-So’s” collared slave and HE is exclusive to her and HE is speshul. Yes, dear reader, these guys exist–but they are in the minority. I also don’t really count service under five years as being a true sign of devotion. Does anyone here remember the venerable slave james? The man who appeared in many of my videos? The one who everyone thought worshiped the ground I walked on? He made many proclamations. He wanted to be speshul. Annnndddd he didn’t last beyond five years.  It’s simply too easy to SAY a bunch of fluff, but it’s not easy for a man to really buckle down and Do The Right Thing for more than five years.

This is why, if you have been seeing a Pro Domme for less than a year, and you are already discussing how you WANT TO BE HERS, it’s just you wanting to be speshul. Think of her reaction as when a child comes to a parent and says, “I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.” The parent smiles, pats the child on the head, and simply says, “Of course you do dear.” The parent understands the realities and politics of becoming a fully-fledged member of an elite group of scientists. The parent understands that even though the child can end up getting a Ph.D in astorphysics and work at U.C. Berkeley in post-doctoral research, that he/she STILL might never become an astronaut (I briefly dated someone like this). Do they encourage the child? Yes, but they know that ultimately the goal will most-likely not be reached.

So your desire to be speshul is frankly looked upon as a naive understanding of the professional relationship that exists between you and the person you are paying for her time. No, Virginia, there isn’t a Santa Claus. The professional transaction is supposed to keep things honest. It doesn’t mean that we like or honestly care about you. We, as Pro Dommes, can be INTERESTED in you and your sessions while they are happening.

I’m sure there are those reading this who feel that is a pretty harsh statement. It’s not. It’s factual. YOU HAVE TO DO THE TIME FOR ME (or any of my co-horts) TO CARE. Whom do I care about?

mucous: in service since 1999

slave joe: in service since 2000

bill: in service off and on since 2001

This is my short list of locals and is not complete whatsoever so don’t get hurt if your name wasn’t mentioned.

I know there are Pro Dommes out there who are very good actresses. They talk a good game. They toss out collars like they are available from a vending machine. They know that their clients want to feel speshul and they play up on that. Good for them! I have a very small capacity for being untrue to myself.

In closing: I can make you feel unique and paid attention to during our time together. If we mesh via our interests, we will have a good time. You will only be “just another client/sub/insert your category here” though. That status can not change until time–and lots of it has passed. Not just time, but blood, sweat, and tears. Even then, I will be dubious about your expression of commitment. Once you understand this, then we can move forward.

The Ever-Snarky,



My upcoming visit to Antwerp in April will be tinged with sadness. I have known of “the news” since December 2016, but I kept my word to not discuss it until now. It was then that Mistress Shane informed me that she would be moving from Antwerp back to New York City. Her time in Europe was coming to an end.

I know that many of my readers don’t know of how I first came to travel to Antwerp in the first place. Why there? Why not any other city in Europe? How did my bi-annual trip come about? It seems like now is an appropriate time to share the story.

The year is 2007. I was attempting to promote my DVD business by attending various shows that featured a BDSM theme. Domcon LA and Fetishcon in Florida were two of my destinations. I had heard of the market in Europe but had no idea how to break into it with my Femdom content. I came up with an idea to bring my DVDs to the Venus Fair and entice distributors in person. I purchased my airfare, made my hotel reservation, and crafted my plans to visit Germany to ply my wares.

Unfortunately, this business that I’m in doesn’t breed the best of alliances. People who claim to be friends (for years) often turn on you when their selfish desires get the best of them. That’s what happened with my plans to attend Venus Fair. I’m giving the Reader’s Digest version of the events that transpired. I’ve told the cautionary tale of whom to trust to those who know me personally. Needless to say, I had to cancel my trip after it became apparent that my so-called friend wouldn’t be an ally during the Fair. It just didn’t seem wise to make the journey if the ONE person I was going to know was turning his back on me. I canceled my airfare and hotel reservation, but that wasn’t the end of the story. I had six months to use my ticket credit. Now what? Who did I know in Europe?

I’m usually a fairly risk-adverse person. It’s just my nature. I over-research EVERYTHING and generally don’t do crazy things in my life. I have no idea what got into me, but I decided to take a big chance. I knew of ONE PERSON in Europe. How about  I visit an almost total stranger in a strange country to work? I would travel alone. I wouldn’t know anyone locally. What could possibly go wrong? This was even riskier considering what had recently happened with my so-called friend of many years. What if my host turned out to be a “great friend” like he was and stab me in the back? How did I even know her?

I had met Mistress Shane back in 2006 at the Black and Blue Ball in NYC. I remember her being SUPER nice. She wasn’t the usual bitchy standoffish woman who I have encountered many times at BDSM events. To this day, there are countless Pro Dommes who simply stand and stare at everyone passing by them. They couldn’t be bothered with a simple, “hello”. Not Mistress Shane. She not only exchanged pleasantries, but she invited me to come stay with her and work in Antwerp. It was this brief meeting that I decided to base my trip on. Sure enough, when I emailed her about visiting, she welcomed the prospect and made the experience as seamless as possible.

Nine years later and I have more regulars in Antwerp than I do in the SF Bay Area. Mistress Shane not only turned out to be a great host, but she also became a great friend. We have gone through a lot over almost a decade of visits. We have shared the stories of our lives and torments. We have bounced ideas off of each other. We have bitched and moaned, and laughed and cried. Thanks to Mistress Shane, I am comfortable traveling solo to Europe without batting an eye. I am not only a better Dominatrix thanks to her, but I am a better person.

I will admit that I was sad in a very selfish way when Mistress Shane told me of her impending move. All I could think of was, “Where will I work? Will I be able to return to Antwerp?” I wanted to be happy for her, but it was difficult. My friend was leaving! Ever the consummate professional, she had already researched my next host after she broke the news.  I felt bad for being so self-centered. She was clearly thinking of how to help me out. We used my last visit in December to plan out my next trip and discuss her future in NYC.

Thus, I will continue to travel to Antwerp twice a year. During my next visit, April 8 – 12, I will be hosted by Mistress Morticia. She has a wonderful studio just outside of Antwerp. I am looking forward to seeing my regulars and new clients. These regulars are almost all thanks to the generosity of Mistress Shane sharing her faithful devotees with me in double sessions over the years. I’m also looking forward to visiting Mistress Shane in my favorite city in the future: New York.

Thanks Mistress Shane for helping to create  the European Chapter of my Dominatrix Career. I couldn’t have done it without you!



Vinyl Queen and Mistress Simone

My last post discussed the “alternative facts” that are often bandied about when Pro Dommes discuss just about anything in their business in the public realm. Travel is one of them. In the spirit of transparency, I’m going to write about when things don’t necessarily go as planned while visiting a new city. But first, some background…

I upped my travel itinerary a few years ago when it became apparent that the end of the road was nigh for my studio. I wanted to lay the groundwork for visiting more cities so that once I closed the doors, my travel schedule would pick up the local slack. I had a feeling there would be obstacles to working once I was renting from someone else. I chose destinations based on travel requests from the past, and feedback from other Pro Dommes who had visited these places as well. I did my due diligence and my choices paid off. Since the past two years have seen such success in other states, I think I let the vision of own popularity cloud the reality of future travel. I didn’t do as much research, and the numbers reflected it.

My first experimental city was St. Louis, Missouri. I consider Mistress Simone to be a good friend. She has studios in Chicago and St. Louis. During my visit to her in September 2016, I discussed with her the option of visiting St. Louis. It appeared that there wasn’t a lot of competition in the area–and that seemed like a good recipe for a future visit. It never occurred to me that maybe the reason why there isn’t a gaggle of Pro Dommes somewhere is due to a lack of business. Silly huh? Did I bother to discuss with any of my peers what their travel experiences were like to this area? No. I was going to do this “all on my own” and it would be GREAT. Well, it wasn’t particularly great. It was good, but it wasn’t like going to Chicago or NYC…

Mistress Simone was the consummate hostess. I couldn’t have asked for a more welcoming experience to a city I had never visited. She shared her home and slaves with me. We were able to discuss many topics regarding business growth and reach. Unfortunately, the rest of St. Louis wasn’t as amazing. For the first time, I learned about the function that Backpage provided when visiting a city. I have been spoiled in that my fan base is large and they usually check my website for my travel dates. I don’t NEED to do a lot of advertising because “they know” when I’ll be there and book well in advance. St. Louis is not that type of town. Don’t get me wrong. My fans DID show up, but not enough. I guess Erosguide is only SO good. I don’t think many men know about it anymore since they learned to rely on Backpage.

Another error of my trip planning was not bundling in a weekend day. This was not necessarily my fault as Mistress Simone and I had to cobble together dates in between her own super busy travel schedule. There are two segments of the population who see Pro Dommes: those available on weekdays and those available on weekends. They occupy separate demographics and I effectively eliminated one. Not smart.

Will I return to St. Louis? Probably. I will do things differently next time though. If the next trip isn’t that successful, then I’ll know that I gave it my best shot but I need to go elsewhere.

Onto my Phoenix trip…


Mistress Sadie Hawkins and Vinyl Queen

I will be the first to admit that I should have advertised differently for Phoenix. Male creatures are easily confused and I balked at having concurrent St. Louis and Phoenix Eros Ads in place. It turns out that was what I SHOULD have done. Mistress Sadie Hawkins taught me that placement in multiple cities is a great idea. Who knew? While I was visiting her, she received contact from all over the country. I took note and made sure that I will advertise for at least two weeks before EVERY trip.

I also had the notion that the bevy of men in the area for Spring Training would make a large number of potential clients available. I know. Now that I think about it, it was a pretty silly idea. Don’t get between a man and his sports allegiances. I was clouded by the past experiences of clients who have WORKED for sports teams, versus fans. If you’re in town to see your beloved team, are you REALLY going to skip out on a game or the afterparty to get your kink itch scratched? Not likely.

I didn’t expect locals to plan ahead and I was prepared for same day availability. What I wasn’t prepared for was the lack of more modern booking requests. Email wasn’t favored and voicemails weren’t left. It was back to the old-school experience of the little boy hanging up as soon as the call wasn’t answered on my end. I understand discretion but it was disappointing.

So where were all the VQ fans? Turns out they showed up at the CFNM party! Mistress Sadie Hawkins threw an amazing event. Due in no small part to her intelligent vetting, each and every guest was an enjoyable person to have in attendance. As a host of my own parties, I know this is no small feat! There is usually “that guy” who isn’t very social and participatory. This simply didn’t happen at her event. Each and every male was engaged, interactive, and VERY well-behaved. I had a fan of my Youtube channel show up, and others knew of me through my content or past exploits. I have to say it was mentally intoxicating to have a group of naked men just standing there, waiting at our beck and call!

Again, a trip isn’t always measured by its financial success. The knowledge that Mistress Sadie and I exchanged regarding our Professional and Lifestyle experiences was priceless. I learned so much from how she handles her business. She was able to educate me to some very modern techniques and methods that I had not heard of, or seen put into practice.

I know that I have a long list of NOs when it comes to my interests, and maybe that didn’t jibe with what Phoenix wants. Will I return? Yes, I’ll give it another shot, but my intent will be to attend another CFNM party. Sessions will not be the focus and I will treat my visit as a mini-vacation.

There you have it. It’s not always sunshine and roses for Pro Dommes. It would be great if we really had First Class Tickets to every destination on someone else’s dime, and five star accommodations for each and every visit. I probably didn’t make any friends with this current view “behind the curtain,” but once again–friends don’t pay my bills. I do.

Lots of people make this statement to appear glib. I wish that were the case in this post. As of this weekend, my dungeon is now shut down and I will no longer be doing business at that location. Thus, I HAVE left the building.

It was certainly an interesting fourteen years. I opened my studio in 2002, flush with cash and ready to do things MY way. I had grown weary of the situation at “the place under the shoe store” and it’s lax renter policy. I wanted to have all the control over the goings on at a studio. Well I certainly got that, and I learned that it isn’t as great as I thought it would be.

I never wanted to have a location that was a revolving door of renters. I wanted a location that was as private as I could make it. As a child I never learned how to share, and I’m still pretty lousy at it as an adult. I only ever entertained a handful of renters here and there. Some situations ended disastrously and tested my ability to trust others in my field, and others helped me regain that trust. Eventually there was something that I could not battle, and that was math.

Yes, math. You can believe in something as much as you want to, but numbers tell the tale. Eventually my studio became more of a burden than a pleasant workplace. We have all heard the stories of small businesses priced out of the San Francisco commercial real estate market. Now you know another one. It is simply no longer cost-effective for me to remain at my space.

Mind you, I am NOT retiring. Far from it. I will be primarily available in Oakland at the beautiful Black Thorn studio. I am in the process of securing an SF location for business travelers who are unable to make their way across the Bay. I will also be continuing my travel schedule and plying my trade wherever I decide to land.

I would like to open another studio some day, but that is a topic I’d rather not entertain at the moment. I want to enjoy my freedom and see what the future holds before setting down roots again. The math needs to be on my side.

I want to thank those who helped to build my studio and those who recently helped to break it down. I couldn’t have done it without all of that slave labor (literally). I also want to publicly thank Mistress Yuki for being the best renter a dungeon proprietor could ever ask for. It has been a pleasure working with you and I wish you well in your future endeavors.

Thanks folks, it’s been real.



Fan Poetry

This poem was written by a long-time fan of mine. I have received submissions like this in the past, but the quality has been, ahem, lacking. I really enjoyed this particular composition and deem it worthy to publish:


Vinyl Queen and St Andrew’s Cross.

Shadows of the faint whispers

Time and again, she rules, one would say,
Looks that thrill and words that slay;
Her dominance over your mind, body and soul,
A Sign of the shadows of faint whispers.

Her looks sneak within your frail frame,
Her high heel stilettos pierce your face;
Trampled beneath her full-weight,
You’re way too weak to resist.
While, she Cracks her whip to perfection,
You bow down at her feet in absolute submission.
A sign of the shadows of the faint whispers.

She channels the fire within you to submit,
To revel in the joy of obedience and her supreme authority you admit;
She corrects you, disciplines your wayward insolent behavior,
A stroke of her whip and the sting of her tight strong slaps
force you to beg at her feet,
When you lay there waiting by her feet, the clock ticking by the hour, for her permission.

Her tall, dominating, beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, hourglass figure,
Engulfing your entire presence;
A sure sign of the shadows of faint whispers.

Poem Courtesy of @stddevn

Thanks To My Stable

Sometimes I receive emails inquiring about “my stable of slaves.” I chuckle at the literal thought of striding out to a barn and seeing slaves in stalls waiting to be summoned. Of course that’s not how it is in reality when you are considered to be in my stable. What does it take? Read on and you’ll find out:

I think that a lack of selfishness is the first key to being a long-term slave of mine. I hear so much drivel about how, “I just want to make the Mistress happy” when it amounts to only so much BS. No, you THINK you want to make me happy because it justifies the incredible neediness you bring to the table. It’s a way for you to not feel guilty for essentially acting like a whining child at my feet begging for my attention. Those who have been serving me for 10+ years don’t deposit this mantle on my shoulders. They know that they are complicated individuals, but they don’t make me feel responsible for too much.

I have mentioned mucous in the past, and I will bring him up again. He is probably one of the more fascinating individuals I have ever met. Mucous is the guy you want to sit next to you on a long plane ride. He has the most interesting facts stored in his head that are relevant and thought-provoking. I only know small fragments of his life story, but what I know puts many others to shame. This could just be personal affinity on my part, but he really makes me go, “hmmmm” when we talk. It doesn’t matter if my toes are in his mouth or he’s screaming in agony. I KNOW he has needs but he’s not needy. He has a level of comportment that I treasure. When he says that he wants to make me happy, I believe it. He follows through. It’s not a veiled statement to get what HE wants.

There is someone else I don’t believe I have ever discussed. Slave b is another unique individual who doesn’t deposit the mantle of need on me when we meet. He is a masochist and a fetishist, which is rare. He is another complete person who has an inner strength I find rare in most individuals. I believe I’m finding some similarities in my stable here…He might have had some periods of absence, but these weren’t because he was off in a corner sucking his thumb feeling sorry for himself. When we meet it’s such an energizing experience for me. I don’t feel wrung-out mentally or like I’ve had the energy sucked out of my pores. I feel better for having had my heels dig into his thighs.

I know that many of my clients wish that they could be like slave joe. He visits me for the longest sessions I have ever had: five hours. Yes, this is five hours of straight-through SM. It sounds like too much, but you’d be surprised at how fast the time goes by. Slave joe is a very intense player, but ONCE AGAIN, he is not needy.  The catharsis he experiences is a mutual road that we both take during his sessions. He’s not taking from me, he’s sharing. I don’t feel like he’s self-absorbed or obsessed with his navel.

I would be remiss in not mentioning bernard. bernard is the only slave who knows how to make me happy without me having to say how. When bernard and I meet, there are gifts that appear that I have no idea how he guessed I wanted. Yes, he’s that good. These aren’t diamonds and furs, but small things that he knows I like BECAUSE HE LISTENS. When he says he wants to make me happy, he follows through by truly attempting to consider my needs. He’s not just “trying to get to the good stuff.” bernard understands that SM is a complicated journey that hinges on how plugged in I am at the time of our session. Sometimes we haven’t actually had dungeon time because our “pre game discussion” was enough and I didn’t have anything else left.

So where do YOU lie in this spectrum? How needy ARE you? If you pop in and see me for an hour here and there, it doesn’t really matter. Our relationship is very transactional-oriented. You show up, we play, you leave. End of story. If you SAY that you want to serve me, than maybe you should consider what you bring to the table. Do you just want someone who will talk to you like a therapist and looks good in boots and tight clothing? Is SM just your latest hobby of the month and then you’ll move onto to something else because you CAN? I give an enormous amount of my time, energy, and self into each session (no, really I do). I have also been disappointed by countless men who have said the same crap each time they have visited me. I view it as just that: so much crap, UNTIL time has passed and someone has proven that they are in it for the long haul. Sadly, most will never be able to stand the test of time because they are weak and selfish individuals who only care about themselves. I am grateful to have the stable I do. I know what THEY are made of. They make me smile while I scoff at the rest of you muddling about in your self-absorption and dishonesty.

Facebook For VQ

While I have no desire to be on Facebook personally, I am going to give it a try professionally. So we’ll see how it goes with me being a professional entity on there…

Vinyl Queen

Blog changes…

So my old blog hosting situation changed and I’ve been dragging my feet about dealing with it. I THOUGHT that I could just host my blog directly via my domain, but publishing to it became an issue. Thus, instead of making a ton of calls to my webhost, and spending way to much time troubleshooting–I’m just moving everything to a new service. After all–it’s just text and a picture or two. Look for more frequent updates now that I’m free from the whole blogger fiasco…

Something New

Trying out that new fangled Twitter thing. It’s not so much for knowing what I’m doing every few minutes, but for updates and things that can be done more efficiently with that interface. It might be beneficial, it might not be. Only time will tell. Here’s the link to start following in the meantime:

Now let’s get me some followers!

Early Reality Check TV Episode

I have known the guys from Reality Check TV for some time now. We used to find ourselves at the same night spots each weekend, and we struck up a friendship due to our mutual interests. They approached me at one point and requested that I redo their adult content warning for each episode. I was more than happy to comply and the result of our meeting was forever captured on video tape. Well the days of the cable access television program are over now that we have the fancy internets. The beauty of high technology is that it can bring vintage content and make it available for the masses again. So without further adieu, here’s the clip circa 2002: