Tag Archive: dominatrix musings


Remember that post I wrote last year about how I wasn’t going to complain for once? You can refresh your memory here. Yeah…well let me tell you about how it REALLY ended up: THE PERSON IN QUESTION WAS ONE OF THE WORST PEOPLE I’VE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE CAREER. Yes, all caps was warranted in his description. Why am I waiting almost a year to comment? I just wanted to let the many others who have mimicked his M.O. pile up so that I’d have ample reason to COMPLAIN about them.

The whole reason why I posted that entry last year was due in no small part to Mr. I Want To Be Your Footslave. His initial criticisms of me didn’t really mean much to me as these were said at one of my foot parties and I know that sometimes people say things to establish rapport. They want to make it known that they’ve been following your writings, etc. so they make comments about their impressions. He’s not the only person to have ever mentioned how cranky I can be, so I felt it was time to say something nice. Then the reality of what a total and utter waste of my time set in…

He came on like gang-busters bearing gifts of all sorts. To be honest, that rarely happens and ya know what? I’m HUMAN. I like it when people bring me useful items off of my wishlist. Duh. This all came at a price–which it always does, sadly. He felt like he now had “the right” to tell me how to run my business. Yup. You heard me correctly. He was now suddenly an expert on my marketing, photos, and all manner of Professional Domination. He ASSURED me that IF ONLY he could BE THE ONE who took my photos, I could really BE SOMEBODY. I’m sure you can imagine the face I’m making right now. That really wasn’t what turned me off 100% completely to him though. You’d be surprised at how many men attempt to tell me how to run my business. I’m sure they’d pat me on the head at the same time if they could and say, “little lady.” No, it was when he let me know that he really wasn’t into this whole “professional session” thing. No sirree Bob! It was a “turn off” to him to come to see me at my studio. He was basically implying that he wanted to skip ahead to the front of the line and just move right in with me. You know, sleep next to the bed and all that like a REAL Mistress would have him do. Ya know, because he had already been contacted by a LESBIAN couple who were going to LOCK HIM IN A CAGE and make him STAY THERE UNTIL THEY SUMMONED HIM. Yeah, this guy was a real winner.

Whenever something like this happens, Ms. Proverbial Optimist chalks it up to any number of factors and moves on with her life and career:

“That guy really wasn’t serious.”

“That guy was a waste of my time.”

Mind you, I don’t have any expectations from “one-off” client types. They don’t usually attempt to seem like they are anything other than what they are. They want a session. They show up. I might or might not ever hear from them again. No harm. No foul. So you’re probably confused now. I keep stating that I am seeking truly submissive men who will see me on a regular basis. What was wrong with this guy just attempting to speed up the process? That’s not how it works folks. You don’t meet me on two separate occasions and expect to move in with me.

Thus, it’s the guys proclaiming to want to serve “on a regular basis” who frustrate me to no end. Have I attempted to build in a vetting process to figure out who is real? You betcha! Does it work? Not really. No matter how difficult and challenging I make the process to verify their true intentions, 98% of the time they fail. You’re probably wondering, “WHY DO YOU EVEN TRY?” Here’s why:

I’m not just kinky. I’m not just “into BDSM” like I’m into gardening. This is my Lifestyle. I BELIEVE in Femdom as a way of life. I BELIEVE that I can train men to be better.

This isn’t a seminar.

This isn’t a weekend treatment.

Where you are now you can’t imagine what the bottom will be like. (This is Your Life, Fight Club Soundtrack)

I want to see someone on an ongoing basis and watch his submission flower into something beautiful. I want him to understand the happiness in slavery. I hold out hope each time I receive an email expressing such an interest, and each time I am disappointed.

The great Angel Stern once counseled me to NEVER collar a slave again. She warned me that no matter how sincere the man might seem to be, he would panic right before the ritual were to happen and I’d never hear from him again. That it was better to merely extend the “idea” of a collaring to bring someone along, but not scare him away. The sad thing is that I’m not even talking about something as serious as a collaring. Oh no. That option ended years ago for a variety of reasons. Three wear my collar at this point in time. It would basically take the UN meeting with representatives of a foreign galaxy on live television for me to offer that option again. I’m referring to admitting to being submissive, professing exclusivity to me for a period of time, and trusting that my way is superior and right in training.

I’m sure there will be a bevy of responses to this post of the nature: “Oh Mistress, you DESERVE someone as you describe.” “Oh Mistress, I would serve you but I’m SOOO far away.” “Oh Mistress, I would love to serve you but I’m just a poor student living with my parents.” Please save it. Your platitudes mean precisely nothing. It’s all in the showing up.

You guys who live in other states and manage to show up once or twice a year aren’t being looked down upon, but let’s face it. There’s something to be said for “locally sourced submissive men.” That is whom I’m talking about. Someone I don’t have to wait for a business trip to bring around to my doorstep.

I guess I should be so lucky as to count in my service the likes of mucous and slave joe. Those who have been showing up since the early part of this century or before. Those who might not be spouting off their devotion via social media, but who make their presence known with the Gift of Their Flesh. Maybe there are only so many of their ilk to go around and I have had my allotment? I fear that I might have answered my own question regarding the caliber of submissive male applicants. I’ll keep holding out hope that there will be new applicants who will meet my expectations, but I now think it’s not going to happen.

VQ

It appears that I must explain, in excruciating detail, the new normal of booking a session with me. Since this is the same situation as most shared studios, hopefully it will help others in understanding why they can’t have last-minute flexibility with their BDSM appointment.

I am taking the bulk of my sessions at the Blackthorn dungeon now. I will be available at the Alchemy Estate, San Francisco in July, but it’s same situation there as well: There are a number of other Dominas and private individuals who utilize these spaces. We all work off of a shared calendar. This calendar is booked on a first-come, first-served basis. If you want to see me for a session, you will need to contact me two weeks in advance to have your pick of dates and times. You are welcome to wait a week out, but availability will be more limited. If you think you can book me the day before, or even 48 hours before your date and time–you will be sadly disappointed. If you book with me and then request to reschedule on the night before or the same day as your appointment, you will also be denied. There simply will not be any space on the schedule for you to have your change accommodated. I don’t know how I can be any more crystal clear on the concept. It doesn’t matter how many times you ask the same question, the answer will be inflexible due to the reality of the calendar: LAST MINUTE REQUESTS CAN NOT HAPPEN.

There also isn’t some sort of VIP or status situation going on, like with your favorite airline. I suppose you could book a last-minute suite at a five star hotel and then I MIGHT be able to see you for a schedule change, but I highly doubt anyone is going to pursue that option–especially when there is such whining and crying over tribute these days. You can’t attempt to throw more money at the situation. These calendars don’t have “hidden time slots” reserved for the equivalent of Global Services or the like. Once a time is booked, it’s booked. There aren’t any special and unique snowflakes on dungeon calendars. You might be a big-shot in your world, but you’re not in mine.

This is also why deposits must be secured in all booking with me now. Despite your best intentions to show up for an appointment, last minute problems just seem to be the rule rather than the exceptions these days. I’m terribly sorry that you are prone to your relatives dying, vehicle accidents, and quick-moving illnesses. It isn’t of my concern WHY you  must cancel or reschedule. I incur a cancellation fee when you this happens so I have to cover myself for the financial loss as well.

Hopefully this post will aid others in understanding the finer workings of professional BDSM studios. When in doubt, reread it.

VQ

 

 

 

Thanks To My Stable

Sometimes I receive emails inquiring about “my stable of slaves.” I chuckle at the literal thought of striding out to a barn and seeing slaves in stalls waiting to be summoned. Of course that’s not how it is in reality when you are considered to be in my stable. What does it take? Read on and you’ll find out:

I think that a lack of selfishness is the first key to being a long-term slave of mine. I hear so much drivel about how, “I just want to make the Mistress happy” when it amounts to only so much BS. No, you THINK you want to make me happy because it justifies the incredible neediness you bring to the table. It’s a way for you to not feel guilty for essentially acting like a whining child at my feet begging for my attention. Those who have been serving me for 10+ years don’t deposit this mantle on my shoulders. They know that they are complicated individuals, but they don’t make me feel responsible for too much.

I have mentioned mucous in the past, and I will bring him up again. He is probably one of the more fascinating individuals I have ever met. Mucous is the guy you want to sit next to you on a long plane ride. He has the most interesting facts stored in his head that are relevant and thought-provoking. I only know small fragments of his life story, but what I know puts many others to shame. This could just be personal affinity on my part, but he really makes me go, “hmmmm” when we talk. It doesn’t matter if my toes are in his mouth or he’s screaming in agony. I KNOW he has needs but he’s not needy. He has a level of comportment that I treasure. When he says that he wants to make me happy, I believe it. He follows through. It’s not a veiled statement to get what HE wants.

There is someone else I don’t believe I have ever discussed. Slave b is another unique individual who doesn’t deposit the mantle of need on me when we meet. He is a masochist and a fetishist, which is rare. He is another complete person who has an inner strength I find rare in most individuals. I believe I’m finding some similarities in my stable here…He might have had some periods of absence, but these weren’t because he was off in a corner sucking his thumb feeling sorry for himself. When we meet it’s such an energizing experience for me. I don’t feel wrung-out mentally or like I’ve had the energy sucked out of my pores. I feel better for having had my heels dig into his thighs.

I know that many of my clients wish that they could be like slave joe. He visits me for the longest sessions I have ever had: five hours. Yes, this is five hours of straight-through SM. It sounds like too much, but you’d be surprised at how fast the time goes by. Slave joe is a very intense player, but ONCE AGAIN, he is not needy.  The catharsis he experiences is a mutual road that we both take during his sessions. He’s not taking from me, he’s sharing. I don’t feel like he’s self-absorbed or obsessed with his navel.

I would be remiss in not mentioning bernard. bernard is the only slave who knows how to make me happy without me having to say how. When bernard and I meet, there are gifts that appear that I have no idea how he guessed I wanted. Yes, he’s that good. These aren’t diamonds and furs, but small things that he knows I like BECAUSE HE LISTENS. When he says he wants to make me happy, he follows through by truly attempting to consider my needs. He’s not just “trying to get to the good stuff.” bernard understands that SM is a complicated journey that hinges on how plugged in I am at the time of our session. Sometimes we haven’t actually had dungeon time because our “pre game discussion” was enough and I didn’t have anything else left.

So where do YOU lie in this spectrum? How needy ARE you? If you pop in and see me for an hour here and there, it doesn’t really matter. Our relationship is very transactional-oriented. You show up, we play, you leave. End of story. If you SAY that you want to serve me, than maybe you should consider what you bring to the table. Do you just want someone who will talk to you like a therapist and looks good in boots and tight clothing? Is SM just your latest hobby of the month and then you’ll move onto to something else because you CAN? I give an enormous amount of my time, energy, and self into each session (no, really I do). I have also been disappointed by countless men who have said the same crap each time they have visited me. I view it as just that: so much crap, UNTIL time has passed and someone has proven that they are in it for the long haul. Sadly, most will never be able to stand the test of time because they are weak and selfish individuals who only care about themselves. I am grateful to have the stable I do. I know what THEY are made of. They make me smile while I scoff at the rest of you muddling about in your self-absorption and dishonesty.