Tag Archive: domina


My upcoming visit to Antwerp in April will be tinged with sadness. I have known of “the news” since December 2016, but I kept my word to not discuss it until now. It was then that Mistress Shane informed me that she would be moving from Antwerp back to New York City. Her time in Europe was coming to an end.

I know that many of my readers don’t know of how I first came to travel to Antwerp in the first place. Why there? Why not any other city in Europe? How did my bi-annual trip come about? It seems like now is an appropriate time to share the story.

The year is 2007. I was attempting to promote my DVD business by attending various shows that featured a BDSM theme. Domcon LA and Fetishcon in Florida were two of my destinations. I had heard of the market in Europe but had no idea how to break into it with my Femdom content. I came up with an idea to bring my DVDs to the Venus Fair and entice distributors in person. I purchased my airfare, made my hotel reservation, and crafted my plans to visit Germany to ply my wares.

Unfortunately, this business that I’m in doesn’t breed the best of alliances. People who claim to be friends (for years) often turn on you when their selfish desires get the best of them. That’s what happened with my plans to attend Venus Fair. I’m giving the Reader’s Digest version of the events that transpired. I’ve told the cautionary tale of whom to trust to those who know me personally. Needless to say, I had to cancel my trip after it became apparent that my so-called friend wouldn’t be an ally during the Fair. It just didn’t seem wise to make the journey if the ONE person I was going to know was turning his back on me. I canceled my airfare and hotel reservation, but that wasn’t the end of the story. I had six months to use my ticket credit. Now what? Who did I know in Europe?

I’m usually a fairly risk-adverse person. It’s just my nature. I over-research EVERYTHING and generally don’t do crazy things in my life. I have no idea what got into me, but I decided to take a big chance. I knew of ONE PERSON in Europe. How about  I visit an almost total stranger in a strange country to work? I would travel alone. I wouldn’t know anyone locally. What could possibly go wrong? This was even riskier considering what had recently happened with my so-called friend of many years. What if my host turned out to be a “great friend” like he was and stab me in the back? How did I even know her?

I had met Mistress Shane back in 2006 at the Black and Blue Ball in NYC. I remember her being SUPER nice. She wasn’t the usual bitchy standoffish woman who I have encountered many times at BDSM events. To this day, there are countless Pro Dommes who simply stand and stare at everyone passing by them. They couldn’t be bothered with a simple, “hello”. Not Mistress Shane. She not only exchanged pleasantries, but she invited me to come stay with her and work in Antwerp. It was this brief meeting that I decided to base my trip on. Sure enough, when I emailed her about visiting, she welcomed the prospect and made the experience as seamless as possible.

Nine years later and I have more regulars in Antwerp than I do in the SF Bay Area. Mistress Shane not only turned out to be a great host, but she also became a great friend. We have gone through a lot over almost a decade of visits. We have shared the stories of our lives and torments. We have bounced ideas off of each other. We have bitched and moaned, and laughed and cried. Thanks to Mistress Shane, I am comfortable traveling solo to Europe without batting an eye. I am not only a better Dominatrix thanks to her, but I am a better person.

I will admit that I was sad in a very selfish way when Mistress Shane told me of her impending move. All I could think of was, “Where will I work? Will I be able to return to Antwerp?” I wanted to be happy for her, but it was difficult. My friend was leaving! Ever the consummate professional, she had already researched my next host after she broke the news.  I felt bad for being so self-centered. She was clearly thinking of how to help me out. We used my last visit in December to plan out my next trip and discuss her future in NYC.

Thus, I will continue to travel to Antwerp twice a year. During my next visit, April 8 – 12, I will be hosted by Mistress Morticia. She has a wonderful studio just outside of Antwerp. I am looking forward to seeing my regulars and new clients. These regulars are almost all thanks to the generosity of Mistress Shane sharing her faithful devotees with me in double sessions over the years. I’m also looking forward to visiting Mistress Shane in my favorite city in the future: New York.

Thanks Mistress Shane for helping to create  the European Chapter of my Dominatrix Career. I couldn’t have done it without you!

 

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Vinyl Queen and Mistress Simone out to dinner in Chicago.

I should have updated after I returned from Chicago in September. I should have updated when I returned from New York in October. Now it’s November and I find myself at the Dulles airport with hours to kill. It’s a perfect time to update regarding my recent travels.

Fall kicked off with me visiting Chicago for my second visit ever. I had made a weekend stop back in 2008, but this trip was to be longer and for more than just one client. I had the good fortune of being treated to the services of a chauffeur and kinky ambassador or sorts. I get MANY offers such as this when I travel, but I usually turn them down. It wouldn’t be within my best interests to allow a man I had never met to fetch me from the airport. This person was referenced by a Domme friend, and she vouched for his reliability. I was thankful to not have to schlep my bags onto the train. I don’t MIND it, but after a red-eye, nothing sounds better than being driven somewhere.

I had a fabulous time working with Mistress Simone. It’s always a honor to meet someone who paved the way for other Dommes. I remember seeing her ad in Bitches With Whips before I made the decision to turn pro. She looked so cool and intimidating. If you had told me then that I would some day be working at her studio in Chicago, I never would have believed you. I also had the good fortune of participating in a double session with her. I never know if I’m going to have synergy with another Domme. You can get along perfectly well outside of the dungeon, but not be on the same page with a sub at your feet. We worked very well together and I enjoyed using her facilities immensely.

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Nothing is sacred when I visit an art museum.

It felt like Chicago had been waiting a very long time for my visit. All of the clients who came to see me had a history. They knew of my videos and were totally familiar with my work. One gentleman claimed to have been a fan since he was 25! Others gifted me generously before the trip, and one ardent supporter came all the way from Iowa. Needless to say, I will be returning in 2017.

Chicago wasn’t all work though. Mistress Simone was nice enough to take me out and show me sites that I hadn’t visited during my previous trip. We spent the afternoon at the Art Institute. I was delighted that she had my inner 12-yr old’s sense of humor. Despite serious backgrounds in art, there were lots of giggles when we strolled by the painting to the right. I guess “dick pics” aren’t just a function of the digital age?

My trip ended with a lovely steak dinner. We had worked up quite an appetite walking around earlier in the day. It was delightful to relax and enjoy an outstanding meal with a like-minded Domina.

Onto NYC…

Chicago was great, but NOTHING compares to my favorite city in the world: New York. I will remind my dear readers that I was raised by a native of New York City, and the attitude is very much alive in me. I think that is why I feel so at home whenever I return. I no longer have to deal with the blasted “laid-back” behavior from California. People walk with purpose and MOVE. It also helps that I get to stay with my best friend from childhood whenever I visit.

I find that the Eastern Seaboard clientele appreciate me in a manner befitting of my station. My long nails, fully-fashioned stockings, and leather attire are treasured and valued. I find there to be many more fetishists in New York. I also find the BDSM to be more intense than in the SF Bay Area. With that said, I always enjoy my time at The Parthenon. Mistress Ariana is another Old School Domme who has been around longer than I have. This trip we decided to get out of the dungeon and spend some social time together. We shared a lovely lunch on my first day in The Big Apple. I enjoy Ariana’s company because she is someone who isn’t too “caught up” in this business. She has a very healthy perspective on life. We share many of the same concerns and interest inside and outside the dungeon. It’s also an hoot to sit around the studio in between sessions and hold court with the younger Dommes who utilize the space. Mistress Ariana has taught them well and they all show the proper amount of deference to those who came before them. For her perspective on my visit, check out what she wrote in Her Blog.

I had encountered Mistress Ariana’s slave black pearl in the past, but this was the first time I was able to hang out with him at the studio. He possesses one of the most valuable traits a slave can have: a good sense of humor. The laughs kept coming as Mistress Ariana would intermittently torture and torment him. Yes, I find that type of thing funny folks. I like it when I see men being used for a Lady’s amusement.

NYC wasn’t all work and no play. I had a wonderful time going out and about with a client during the Saturday of my trip. We enjoy walking around Manhattan and taking in new sites every time we meet. We always cap off my visit with drinks and then dinner. We were finally able to get a reservation at Peter Luger in Brooklyn. It was definitely worth the wait.

Last, but not least: Washington, D.C…

Our Nation’s Capital is just filled to the brim with kinky goodness! I’m never disappointed when I visit. I am fortunate to be able to work with Mistress Tyler while I am in town. Some of the clients who used to see me WAY back when, at the beginning of the century, are her local regulars. Imagine that! It turns out that some of these men only made one or two trips to San Francisco on business, and never returned. Now they see me when I am in DC and everyone is happy. I share a great synergy with Tyler as well. I am truly fortunate to have Domme friends like her in the cities that I visit.

I know that there are some who are frustrated I do not advertise solo availability when I am in Washington, D.C. This is due to the lack of a rental dungeon in the area where I stay (Northwest, D.C.). I also travel on the cheap these days and no longer book hotel rooms. I lodge exclusively in “vacation rental” properties. These locations are usually studio apartments with a lot of sound transfer. They are NOT ideal for BDSM. However, there are exceptions to every rule. Thus, if you would like to see me solo during a future trip to Washington, D.C., here are your instructions:

  1. If you are interested in a fetish focused session, you have the best chance of seeing me. Foot worship and trampling are ideal for small locations such as where I stay. You will need to convince me that you are a safe and sane player before I will welcome you as a new client. References and deposits are mandatory for making me feel comfortable with seeing you solo.
  2. If you are interested in a solo BDSM session, you MUST contact me well in advance of a future trip (like NOW–I’m serious). I plan my visits to D.C very far out. If there is a credible requests for a solo BDSM session, I will procure a hotel room to see you. A larger deposit will be mandatory to insure that I’m covered due to a last minute cancellation. We will also need to negotiate regarding what types of equipment I bring with me to insure your session goals can be achieved.

If you wait until I arrive, the chances of seeing me are slim to none. It’s as simple as that.

So where am I headed to next? I will be in New Orleans for Domcon NOLA Nov. 17 – 20. That will be your last chance to see me outside of California before I head to Antwerp in Dec. Catch me if you can!

VQ

I recently visited Irene Boss at her Pittsburgh location: The Compound. I admit I had a lot of trepidation before embarking on my journey. I had met Ms. Boss at varying points in my career, but I had never spent all that much time with her. I knew she had built a vast business empire, but what would it be like to work with her in person? Nerves ensued as my departure came to fruition.

I don’t want this post to be a maudlin love-fest. No one believes those anyhow. What I CAN say is that Irene Boss puts the P in Professional Dominatrix. She is a rare gem leftover from the Golden Age of Professional Domination. If you THINK you have a good business model as a Pro Domme, it most likely pails in comparison to Irene Boss. I am no stranger to this line of work and know how to do it successfully, but I felt like a kid with a lemonade stand compared to what I witnessed during my stay. It was exciting and humbling to recognize that I still had a long way to go in my career. Ms. Boss enabled me to think outside the box on a number of situations specific to being a Dominatrix. It’s not that I’m doing anything wrong, but there can be another approach on how to handle the curve-balls we encounter from time to time.

I think every business person needs this type of experience at certain points in their career. Unfortunately it’s more difficult to arrange in essentially a grey market area where it can be tough to ascertain authenticity. Yes, there is a convention we can attend to tap into the peer knowledge base, but been there, done that. Most professions have continuing education/certification programs but we Pro Dommes have to often make it up as we go along. Visiting irene Boss was exactly what I needed. It’s not like we sat down and she gave me a mini-class. I was simply able to observe her in action, which is often the only thing a skilled crafts-person needs to soak in knowledge.

Not only is Irene Boss talented but she is also the real deal. She isn’t someone who plays the part of being a Dominant Woman and then reverts to a shrinking violet after a session is over. I didn’t need to experience a fake “voice” that she would coo to her clients (VOM!). Her energy is genuine and a force to be reckoned with. What you see is what you get. I can’t say how often I’ve encountered “so-called Dominant Women” in the Scene, only to find out they simply put on a good act in front of their clients.

I am returning to San Francisco invigorated with a fresh perspective on what I bring to my work and how to do it better. Thank you Irene Boss for allowing me to experience your magnificent world. You have constructed a universe that needs to be experienced at least once in a lifetime.

VQ