9/11 Then and Now

October, 2001

Being from the West Coast, I don’t have the same type of stories as those who lived and worked near to Ground Zero on 9/11. I do have “a 9/11” story, and it’s time to commit it to text. I’ve told it many times and I THOUGHT I had blogged about it, but I guess I was incorrect…

I made my first trip to New York City to work as a Pro Domme back in 2000. Times were certainly different back then! It wasn’t like I could just find a Mistress on social media who advertised a rental space, and set things up for a visit. Nope. There was this thing called vetting. Yes, I’m going to be making a lot of “back in my day” references in this post. Get used to it. I had to research NYC Dominas in DDI (yes, there used to be these things called magazines where we had to place print ads–IMAGINE THAT!). There was a budding website that featured a Domme Directory (maxfisch), but it was still very new. I ended up contacting Mistress Avalon and supplicating myself to her. We used to have to show deference to our Domme Elders. I had to prove to her that I was a valid Domina and that I had a skill set. She didn’t really care about my silly website. She wanted verification that I was a card-carrying member of the DDI Advertisers Club. What I mean by this it was an indication that I understood how to place a print ad in the publication. I think she might have even asked if I had been in more than one edition (they were published quarterly). It was a measure of validation. I totally understand her point of view now. At the time it was frustrating.

My first trip was quite successful and I decided that even though L’Oeil Cache was magnificently equipped, I didn’t want to bow to Mistress Avalon anymore. I sought out a different rental experience.

I ended up negotiating with Mistress Nadine to use her space for my October 2001 visit. She was very down to earth and didn’t treat me like an underling. I booked my airfare and hotel and thought that everything was set. Then it wasn’t.

The morning of 9/11 I found out about the first tower being hit via the radio. The alarm had gone off and that’s how I heard the news. Of course I ran to the television and turned it on to see exactly what was going on. The second tower collapsing is what I saw. If you weren’t alive then, it was something unforgettable to see the massive loss of life on your tv screen. There was nothing you could do but watch in horror.

Like I mentioned at the beginning, I lived in California in the SF Bay Area. I didn’t have any connections to people who lived or worked in Manhattan. I did what everyone else in my area did for the next few days: I listened to the news, read newspapers and generally felt numb about the whole situation.

As time passed, I started to think about my trip that was booked for the latter portion of October. Should I cancel it? COULD I still go? Eventually I made the decision that I would still travel and that this would be important “some day.” Boy was I correct!

Mistress Nadine was very cool about the entire situation. Her space was in Soho and still accessible. We agreed that we should do “something” while I was there to try to aid in the general situation of the 9/11 aftermath. I didn’t know what this was until I arrived though.

She told me that we’d donate a portion of the proceeds of our sessions during my stay to the local firehouse that was in her neighborhood. She knew people there and they were aware of what she did as a Domina. We would present them with a check and commemorate the occasion with a photo-op.

Baby VQ and Mistress Nadine at the firehouse

Not gonna lie, my entire trip was surreal: From my airport experience, to 5th Avenue being entirely empty at night. It was bizarre to visit such a teeming metropolis and see very few people out and about. I stayed at the Hilton in Mid-town. A large number of First Responders were staying there as well.

My sessions went well. I had very few cancellations. Clients wanted a distraction and I did as well! I utilized the proximity to Ground Zero to walk to Lower Manhattan to attempt to see what I could see. So happy I had my camera with me. I will never forget “the smell.” It made the acrid wildfire smoke I have grown used to almost seem pleasant.

Now I find myself returning to New York City, twenty years later. We are in another disaster of sorts, and divided unlike I ever thought we could be. Fortunately, kink unites me and my clients with an unwavering desire to experience our form of reality. The need to submit to the will of a power Domina will never die. I am thankful for this constant in my life.

It will be good to return to New York City after almost a two year absence. I am grateful for colleagues such as Mistress Ariana Chevalier and Mistress Chloe. Now “we” are the ones who are the Domme Elders. Thank you two for providing me a home away from home for so many years now!

The Realities of A Shared Dungeon Space

It appears that I must explain, in excruciating detail, the new normal of booking a session with me. Since this is the same situation as most shared studios, hopefully it will help others in understanding why they can’t have last-minute flexibility with their BDSM appointment.

I am taking the bulk of my sessions at the Blackthorn dungeon now. I will be available at the Alchemy Estate, San Francisco in July, but it’s same situation there as well: There are a number of other Dominas and private individuals who utilize these spaces. We all work off of a shared calendar. This calendar is booked on a first-come, first-served basis. If you want to see me for a session, you will need to contact me two weeks in advance to have your pick of dates and times. You are welcome to wait a week out, but availability will be more limited. If you think you can book me the day before, or even 48 hours before your date and time–you will be sadly disappointed. If you book with me and then request to reschedule on the night before or the same day as your appointment, you will also be denied. There simply will not be any space on the schedule for you to have your change accommodated. I don’t know how I can be any more crystal clear on the concept. It doesn’t matter how many times you ask the same question, the answer will be inflexible due to the reality of the calendar: LAST MINUTE REQUESTS CAN NOT HAPPEN.

There also isn’t some sort of VIP or status situation going on, like with your favorite airline. I suppose you could book a last-minute suite at a five star hotel and then I MIGHT be able to see you for a schedule change, but I highly doubt anyone is going to pursue that option–especially when there is such whining and crying over tribute these days. You can’t attempt to throw more money at the situation. These calendars don’t have “hidden time slots” reserved for the equivalent of Global Services or the like. Once a time is booked, it’s booked. There aren’t any special and unique snowflakes on dungeon calendars. You might be a big-shot in your world, but you’re not in mine.

This is also why deposits must be secured in all booking with me now. Despite your best intentions to show up for an appointment, last minute problems just seem to be the rule rather than the exceptions these days. I’m terribly sorry that you are prone to your relatives dying, vehicle accidents, and quick-moving illnesses. It isn’t of my concern WHY you  must cancel or reschedule. I incur a cancellation fee when you this happens so I have to cover myself for the financial loss as well.

Hopefully this post will aid others in understanding the finer workings of professional BDSM studios. When in doubt, reread it.

VQ

 

 

 

Reflections On My 18th Year As A Dominatrix

As I creep ever closer to the 20 year milestone in my chosen profession, it continues to amaze me how much there is to learn. Being a Pro Domme can be an incredibly isolating position if you allow it to be. It’s really up to you to seek out networking opportunities from the appropriate peers. I stress appropriate as the operative word here.

2015 saw me interacting with some of the greats in this industry: Irene Boss, Mistress Precious, Ariana Chevalier, Mistress Tyler, Mistress Troy, and Mistress Shane. Each time I met with these women, I learned something new. These weren’t necessarily ground-breaking moments, but rather different perspectives on topics that weren’t I hadn’t considered for some time. On that note, it has become apparent that I need to update my damned blog more.

I update my social media on a regular basis. It’s easy, simple, and FUN. For those of you who don’t know, I can be found on Instagram, Twitter, and even the dreaded Facebook. Those updates don’t require lots of WORDS and that’s what seems to drive interest from my more erudite fans. Fair enough. I had never wanted to be “that Mistress” who only discusses “this is what I did in my last session.” I have a lot of other things going on in my life, so I’ll be touching on those topics. And yes, there WILL BE more complaining. My last blog post ended up being a royal crock of you know what. You subs have done a pretty terrible job of not being reliable, but so what else is new? That is a story for another day though.

Off to compile my adventures!